I remember feeling like no one fully understood the weight of our struggle, our hurting, our agony. Feeling forgotten by loved ones and utterly invisible to the church made for an incredibly isolating journey. Outwardly, I learned to accentuate a plastic smile with the hottest color lipstick for that season while internally, my screams were imprisoned within the depths of my bones and silenced by my will to appear "normal." The gravity of our struggle rendered our future forever changed. I constantly faced this internal battle of wanting someone to ask, to check-in, to bear my grief with me, yet also resisting to voluntarily overburden them with my heaviness, so I kept silent and relegated my tears to the secrecy of our home. On the occasions that I did share, I tempered my heartache because being transparently raw felt risky because my pain had been diminished and forgotten in the past. 

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Over the years I have learned that there is nothing anyone can say that makes the pain immediately disappear; however, having someone compassionately bear witness to your experience as much as needed is healing. The sting of not having support and feeling unseen within the church birthed an intense desire within me to support other couples journeying to overcome subfertility/infertility. Instead of becoming embittered, I embraced the Lord's sovereignty in our journey, which has allowed me to serve the body of Christ by filling an immense need for those silently struggling beneath the weight of trying to conceive. Nothing is wasted with God. He uses it all! Knowing that, I can say that this journey is worth it. The Lord is taking us on a unique path to our victory babies, and I am excited to share with you all in the future!

 

One day it occurred to me that there was no term for babies born to parents who had never conceived before and overcame infertility. As my spirit stirred, I sought the Lord because it mattered to me that couples enduring this journey have a term for their babies that represents all that they had to withstand to have them. Approximately one week later, Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, "victory baby." In Christ, we have all the victory, and these babies are the personification and declaration of victory over subfertility/infertility! Together, we can overcome infertility and redeem birth! ​